Reflection

So yesterday's post was the more immediate response to my father's passing.  Today I'd like to reflect on this past 4 months without him.  I had my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year without him.  Holidays are weird because he was really the only reason I got excited about the holidays.  Thanksgiving I stayed home because I did not want to go with JD to be with his family because [as I suspected] my mother made an appearance there hoping that she could force herself upon me but I was not even there.  [As an aside, JD did capture her disappointment at discovering I was absent on video and assured me that she was miserable for the 20 minutes his family engaged her until she could escape.  I'll admit that made me smile a little - it is the small things in life, after all.


Christmas I did go to JD's and then met up with some of my friends.  When we came home we were greeted by a package - the place that shipped my dad's yearly Christmas food package still sent it this year with a note of condolence.  I kinda shut down but I think the emotion there under all the sad was just joy at how Dad's love and consistency with me and his personal relationships encouraged these people I had never met to give me one more Christmas filled with his love and light.  I know that this is way more emotion than I usually express [and even typing it I feel corny] but no matter how little I wanted to type those words, they just rang so true.

Now New Year's was our celebration together.  JD and I would go to my dad's for this holiday and celebrate with him.  JD stayed with me and while I thought that this one would hit me the hardest that really was not the case.  I felt a very special sense of closure and peace.  I think 2016 is going to be a great year.  There are just so many items of luggage that I am finally ready to abandon.